


I Want to Believe in A Thing Called Love

by Tikatikox



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Holmes Brothers, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Mycroft Being Mycroft, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post Sherrinford, Post TFP, Post-Series, holmescest, mylock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:46:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tikatikox/pseuds/Tikatikox
Summary: After Sherrinford, Sherlock is having a difficult time to recover from his childhood trauma about Eurus and Victor. And then he finds out a hidden memories about him and Mycroft.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, English is not my native so I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes.   
> I have planned this fic for like 4 or 5 chapters, but if you have opinion about this fic or for the next chapter  
> I highly appreciate it :)
> 
> I hope you like it!

Two months after all of the chaos at Sherrinford, Sherlock finally reaches his lowest. At first, he could manage it as if nothing happened. He’s been handling the wrath of his mother and then offering the peace to Eurus easily. Everything has been going smoothly until his nightmare becomes more vivid each night. It starts with just sounds and voice and everything looks blurred and he will forget it when he wakes up in the morning. And now he’s at the point where he couldn’t forget his nightmare at all and it keeps replaying in his head even though he’s awake.

His brain, his body, his mental, couldn’t stand all the trauma that suddenly hit him hard. The loss of his closest friend, the grief, the frustration, and all the pain that repressed deep down is coming on the surface and he can’t handle that. Every time he wakes up, he can’t remember what was he dream of, but the feelings would stay and just crushed him all day.

Sometimes it’s just a voice. A little kid’s voice that keeps calling his name. “Sherlock.” And then he would wake up, gasping for air, then he would feel painfully sad and anxious. He would breathe so hard and then cry. He would mourn for Victor Trevor, his best friend that he couldn’t save. A boy that die tragically because of him, because he becomes his friend.

John already pushes him to see a psychiatrist but Sherlock would refuse, again and again, saying that he could handle it by himself where the reality is very different. Sherlock becomes more sensitive than he already is, he stops taking cases and just lies down on the sofa. Sometimes he would try to do an experiment but then he remembered his dreams and the will be panicking, end up throwing all his tools at the wall. This is bad and John finally does his ultimate card; he’s calling The British Government.

______

         

It’s 4 PM and Sherlock lie down on the sofa with his dressing gown and messy hair. He hasn’t eaten for three days and he looks more homeless than any homeless man around the  Baker Street.

_“Sherlock! Sherlock, help me!”_

Victor voice from inside the well, his hand scratching the wall desperately. His tears slowly blend in with the water that drowning him every second. 

Sherlock becomes restless in his sleep and he starts breathing hard.

 

_“Sherlock!”_

Now it’s Eurus little voice. She’s cutting his hand to the bone. She’s doing that just because she needs his attention. Seeking attention on the next level, such a Holmes indeed. Why didn't Sherlock try his best? Why didn't he try to play with Eurus? Why he’s such a selfish kid? It would be better if he disappears, it would be better if he never exists in the first place.

The voice of Eurus blaming him make him cry in his sleep and caused his breathing become harder than before. He tries to wake up be he just can’t. He’s terrified and starts screaming.

_“Sherlock! Please wake up!”_

That voice. The same voice that always around him. The voice that never leaves him whatever the situation is. It’s Mycroft voice, but this time it sounds more mature and deeper. Sherlock feels the warm hands cupped his face and stroke his hair. It’s definitely Mycroft, he thought.

“Sherlock!”

And then he opens his eyes and gasping for air. He finds Mycroft kneel beside the sofa trying to calm him down. His vision blurred while he realized he began to cry. The image of Mycroft in front of him distorted between the little Mycroft with his jumper, the teenage pompous Mycroft with his long sleeves shirt, and the Government Mycroft with his three-piece suit. Mycroft is here, his big brother is come to save the day. He feels overwhelmed with various emotions and can’t help it. He just sobbed in Mycroft’s arm. The lectures about sentiment could wait.

 -------

                                                       

After Sherlock stopped crying that followed by some awkwardly uncomfortable moment of silence between the brother, John comes up to the living room with a nice and warm cup of tea. Mycroft takes it and helps Sherlock to drink it gently, and the fact that even though it’s awkward, Sherlock really clings onto his brother which is makes the soldier’s eyes widened in disbelief. The brothers show their emotions to each other and this is too surreal for John. But he could see the guilt washing over Mycroft’s face. He must be feeling guilty to see his brother painful experience while he’s the one who initiated all of the repressed memories.

Sherlock sits down with his legs up to his chest while his head rested on Mycroft’s shoulder while his hair is stroked gently. It indeed feels awkward to share the needs of physical contact with his brother after such a very long time they not even share their emotional and sentiment. But he needed it badly after the horrible nightmare and Mycroft willingly provide it. Mycroft is always his hero no matter what. While stroking his curls Mycroft keep talking to him, try to convince him to seek a therapist. Sherlock’s aware that his brother feels guilty after everything that happened to him.  In the end, they’ve had heated argument but Sherlock gives up. He would seek professionals to take care of his trauma and makes sure his big brother didn’t blame himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Six months have passed and Sherlock already back to himself. The nightmare still there, still lurking around behind his mind, but overall he’s back as the consulting detective. John permanently moved in back with Rosie which is a good support for Sherlock healing and Mrs. Hudson couldn’t be happier to babysit Rosie while her boys need to running around London to catch the bad guy. Everything goes wonderfully well.

And now Sherlock and John standing in the most uncomfortable crime scene. Lestrade calls them in the middle of the night for a locked room murder. The victim, Frederich Rosseau is a pornstar. Gay porn star to be specific.

Narcissistic, superiority complex, perfectionist and secretly anxious is what comes to Sherlock’s mind when entering his house. The house is screaming of luxury where almost all the furniture is coated with gold and silver at some point. And then the main bedroom where the victim has been killed is decorated with his nudes photographs, showing his erection proudly. And then there’s a rack full of various sex toys and lube. It’s clear that everyone in here is highly uncomfortable with such displays, even the for the gay one.

Sherlock just brushes it off and try to focus to the dead bodies but in the end, he just holds his chuckle when he sees one of his victim’s giant picture above the bed as a centerpiece of the room. Frederich Rosseau in a three-piece suit looking sharp. It reminds Sherlock with Mycroft, even the round face and the long nose. He started grinning and soon John joins the chuckled like a kid they become and start to take the picture with their phone. Lestrade just sends his kids his best death glare.

 ------

In the end, the case is closed and the murderer is not surprising is the victim himself. It’s a suicide which has been plotted long ago. Sherlock is kind of disappointed with the easy case and back to his flat feeling bored.

“C’mon Sherlock, don’t sulk. At least we know how Mycroft look like if he were a pornstar...”

John can’t help but burst out laughing and soon Sherlock's eyes become teary because of laughing too much. It’s just too hilarious. He would show the porn star picture to his brother if he comes to visit.

Speaking of Mycroft, since Sherlock agrees to go to the therapist, he just comes to check Sherlock by phone or via John. He barely comes to Baker Street and just comes in a short time. It almost looks like he avoiding Sherlock. But the detective just takes it that his brother feels extremely guilty and can’t express it normally.

He indeed missed his big brother, so he just can’t help it to send the picture.

 

[image]

I never thought you will choose this path

SH

And I never thought that you would lower your sense of humor, brother mine.

MH

 

Sherlock just grinning stupidly to received the text. Oh, how he missed his brother.

 

 -----

 

It’s hazy and blurry, but Sherlock could feel someone’s hands on his thigh. He could hear in the distance that someone is moaning his name. He feels so tense but feels good at the same time. He woke up suddenly while breathing heard. He just stares at the ceiling to proceeded what was just happened. Until he realizes that he had a wet dream and his pants feel sticky and uncomfortable. He sighed. What now, a wet dream after such a long time? At least it’s not a nightmare, he thinks while grumble walking to the bathroom.

The mysterious wet dream just keeps repeating every night for the whole week. Sherlock deduce that everything started because he saw Frederich’s nudes. He never interested in sex before even though he realized that he’s gay. He never watched porn or see someone else’s penis before other than the corpses at Barts or for scientific purposes. And he never gets an erection before, except for the morning wood just like any other male human in this world.

Sherlock becomes so frustrated to know what else happens with his memories. Has he forgotten something about his sexuality? Or worse. Did he ever get raped? But his wet dream is not a nightmare, he dares to say that his dream is pleasant. But is it just because he saw a nude gay man? Why he never gets triggered before?

He just paced in the living room in his blue dressing gown, thinking more and more until he startled by his phone. Mycroft’s name is showing on the screen. Sherlock keeps thinking to ask his brother about this but he’s not in the mood if his brother teases him about his virginity.

“What is it Mycroft?”

“Do you remember the Sunflower case, brother mine? I need your data about the victim-”

Mycroft voice long gone in his ears when he realized what had happened to his body. He feels goosebumps and his body tensed. And he looks down in disbelief that his pant is painfully tight.

“Sherlock? Are you listening?”

Mycroft’s deep voice just send more electric feeling through his body. Sherlock tries so hard not to moan in ecstasy while he feels the precum starts to leaking.

 

“Sherlock? Are you alright?”

“I’m... I’m busy. I have a client in 5 minutes. I’ll bring the data to your office tomorrow.”

“Sherlock, are you on drugs?”  No, just stop talking.

“No. I’ll go to your place tomorrow.”

And Sherlock hung up immediately then running to the bathroom. He pulls down his pants and starts pumping with his hand furiously. He can’t help it but moan loudly while he reached his climax. For once, his mind is set in peaceful mode and he stops thinking. The world stop spinning. This is more than what drugs capable to do to his body.

In the afternoon John finds him sitting on the bathroom floor. The soldier terrified at first but then he realized that Sherlock just in his mind palace. But he did not see it coming that night after he put Rosie down to sleep Sherlock would talk to him about his sexuality.

“I was masturbating, John.”

“...And?” John just raised his eyebrows. He thinks this is just one of the eccentric side of his friend, but it struck him that this is what has been distracting Sherlock for the whole week.

“I can’t even remember the last time I think about something sexual! I have this wet dreams for the whole weeks and now this!”

“What stimulate you? Do you watch something before?”

Mycroft’s voice. But he didn’t tell John of course. It’s so wrong on many levels.

“I don’t know John. I don’t know.” Sherlock just pulls his hair in frustration and walk to his bedroom.

“Maybe... maybe you just ask your brother? I believe he knew something.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, John.”

And then he closes the door behind him and buried his face in the pillow.

Mycroft.

 ------

 

This time he could see it clearer. Someone is on top of him. Caressing him and worship his body with love. He’s so gentle yet so arousing. This guy is buried deep in his hole. He keeps chanting Sherlock’s name again and again. Freckles. Hairy. And deep voice.

Sherlock wakes up jolted with wetness in his pants. He ignores it and searches his phone under his pillow. He needs to verify his deduction.

 

I am no virgin, aren’t I? – SH

 

No, you’re not. – MH

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit angsty, but I promised you a happy ending! <3

 

Sherlock walking fast in the corridor, his coat swing gracefully. No one bats an eye to him anymore, since everyone seems to know him. Sherlock Holmes, the younger brother of their boss, who cause a lot of trouble for the government, and their boss have a special team just to keep an eye on him.

Especially Anthea, who keep glued to her phone but already know that there’s Sherlock Holmes in front of his desk.

“Is there’s someone else inside right now?” His voice boomed through the hall. Oh, this is bad, they thought. His voice is full of emotions. Emotions are never good things to be paired with him.

“Yes, he’s been waiting for you all day.”

Without saying anything Sherlock walk through her desk to his brother’s office. The dark room with minimum sunlight and full of his brother scent. His brother is there, sitting behind his desk at the center of the room, smirking like he always did.

“Good afternoon, brother mine. I assume you bring the data-“

Sherlock just throws a file on Mycroft’s desk harshly.

“The hell with your case! I’m not here for that!”

Mycroft’s expression becomes serious all at once. His shoulder becomes tenser and his eyes darkened.

Sherlock tries to breathe calmly. He just can’t control his anger this time. He knows Mycroft won’t do something without any reason. But hiding his virginity? His own sex life? This is ridiculous.

“I know Sherlock. I already prepared myself to answer about all of this on the day you agree to go to the therapist. No need to rushed.”

“is this why you avoiding me since that!?”

“More or less.”

Sherlock walks fast and bangs his desk while glaring into his big brother’s eyes.

“I was dreaming about having sex with a guy for the whole damn week! Now could you please tell me brother mine, who is he and what is happening!”

Mycroft just held his gaze, and answered with his crisp ice men tone,

 “We both knows it’s me.”

Even though Sherlock already prepared for this, he couldn’t hide his shock. After he sent those text at night he keeps deducing what is the possible answer about all of this. The possible trigger is Frederich, a gay porn star who looks similar with his brother, the fact that he gets erected when he heard Mycroft’s voice, and how his brother knew about his virginity for God sake! He knows the answer but he keeps denying. It can’t be. He completely believes that Mycroft never rapes him, but on the other side, he can’t believe himself to agree on such things. How could he let Mycroft touch him? He really had no idea why. He never felt something for his brother. Never.

“We used to love each other.”

Sherlock shuddered and move back. And at this point, he sees the hurt expression of his brother even though he quickly covered it back.

“No! I never loved you that way!”

“That’s why I try to manipulate your memories about this, Sherlock. Because I don’t want to cause any more damaged for you. I want you to forget about me. And I never thought there will be a time when you will find out about everything.”

“Is this why I can’t have any relationship with anyone?! Is this why there’s something wrong with my sexuality!?”

“It’s your own decision that chooses to turn off all of your desire about your own romantic relationship. I only try to erase us.”

“Bullshit! I never loved you! I never was and never will!” Sherlock roared and started to punch the wall. Mycroft loses his composure and gets up from his chair.

“Then go away! Go fuck doctor Watson or anyone else! You could hate me forever, Sherlock.”

Sherlock startled to hear Mycroft raised his voice. Never once, not even when he caught in the drug den, or whatever chaos Sherlock brought in. But now he looks at his brother losing his composure. He could see Mycroft’s eyes glistening with tears and how his face getting red.

Shocked and confused, Sherlock tries to maintain his pride in his childish way.

“Yes, Mycroft. I already hate you.”

 ------ 

The next three days is bizzare for the consulting detective. He keeps sulking and groaning in frustration. John tried to comfort him but it is unwise to reach him without not knowing what the actual things happen. So the soldier tries his best to stay away and wait for his roommate to be the one who comes to him if needed.

Sherlock just curled up in his chair. His mind is in agony. He keeps dreaming about his past sex life and now it looks more vividly that it was Mycroft in his late 20. He believes that Mycroft really loves him from the way he touched him. And just thinking about his dream is enough to make him hard. This is the one that really disturbs him. His body is aching and longing for his brother touch, while his desire isn’t connected with his heart. He’s not sure about his feeling for his brother. Even if he ever loved him in the past, for now, he didn’t feel anything more than brotherly love. He admired his brother and look up to him all the time even he hate to admit. He idolized him in many ways.  He didn’t expect Mycroft would react that way. And now he regrets everything that he had said. He doesn't want to lose his big brother in such a way. But he realized everything is already fucked up. He never make Mycroft become so angry, and they never fight like this before,

His body tensed when he hears footsteps with an umbrella. It’s getting closer and Sherlock feels panicked, not know how to prepare himself to hear anything that his brother would say.

“Good evening, Sherlock.”

Mycroft sits down casually on John’s chair while Sherlock keeps cuddled up on his own chair but he facing his brother.

“What do you want?”

“Here,” Mycroft put down some files on the coffee table. “I won’t take care of you anymore. This is all your personal data and information about our parent's inheritance. All of your medical record and personal bank account.”

Sherlock just avoiding his gaze, unsure of what to do.

“I wanted to apologize for everything, brother mine.” Mycroft softened his tone and it’s like a cue for Sherlock to sit down properly to listen.

“I know it was foolish to act upon my emotion. I completely understand that you were confused and shocked with all the new information. Now listen, brother mine. First of all, yes, we were engaged in the incestuous relationship in the past. You were 16 at that time, but we already share our feeling long before our body connected. The first and the last time I made love to you was on the night when I need to move to London the next day. I don’t want you to suffer from this relationship if I become too far away. So we both agree that I would make you forget about me and everything between us. I didn’t erase my memories because I know, someday this would happen. I realized about Eurus and Victor someday would bring up and it will affect your other repressed memories as well. So I need to stay with my memories of everything, of.. you.”

Mycroft looks up to see Sherlock’s eyes and meet his gaze. Sherlock just holds his breath, didn’t know how to respond all of this.

 

“I do this,” he gestures to all the files, “because I knew you would feel disgusted by me. Your body is triggered by that porn star, but your feeling already vanished by the time. I didn’t expect anything from this Sherlock. I’m aware of my mistake. I give you this to set you free. It’s your decision about what you want to do with our brotherly relationship. But I will always be here if you need me.”

Without waiting for any response, Mycroft gets up from his seat and straighten his back. Sherlock can’t look him in the eyes anymore, knowing his own eyes already wet. Mycroft comes near him and take his palm and put his golden ring on it, then he ruffles Sherlock’s hair.

“Burned it on your fireplace. Goodbye, brother mine.” Sherlock could sense his brother's voice is broken. He looks up to meet his eyes and he could see the agony in those icy blue eyes. Mycroft tries to smile and broke their gaze, and with that, Mycroft Holmes walk away from 221B and left his whole heart.

Sherlock observes the gold ring that always attaches to his brother’s finger as long as he could remember. Suddenly, his eyes can’t hold the tears anymore when he read the name that carved inside.

_William Sherlock Scott Holmes._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still angsty! Sorry! xD  
> Seriously everything will be fine in the last chapter :*  
> Thanks for reading!

The sounds of water splashing cover the sounds of Sherlock sobbing in the bathroom. He let the water on in the shower while he standing in front of the toilet, his left hand holding his phone while the other pumping his cock. And yes, there are tears spilled from his eyes. The phone on his left hand showing a video with low volume. A  porn video of the poor dead man, Frederich Rosseau.

Sherlock keeps denying that he desires his own brother. Now his dream is not just the erotic one. After Mycroft leave him, he dreamed a lot of their youth. Mycroft the one that saves him from the loud of thunder, the one that calms him down after Eurus hurt him, and the one who held his hand every night after Victor gone from his life. And how they grow up so close to each other. Then he dreamed of Mycroft’s mature body that captures his eyes when he starts his puberty. Mycroft’s eyes and deep voice that feel both calming and arousing. Mycroft gentleness every time he holds his hands, ruffled his curly hair, and the way his brother touched his face. It’s so full of love and no one could say otherwise.

In the end, his brother is always there and the logic of the great consulting detective couldn’t analyze his brother’s love. Both brotherly nor romantically, it’s like Mycroft’s love is already melted as a whole big ball of affection from the start. There’s no barrier. Mycroft is Mycroft and he loved him with everything he had. That’s the only conclusion he got, the way Mycroft give up everything all at once. He rejected the romantic feelings from his brother then he loses both. Because Mycroft never differentiates his love for Sherlock. Maybe “love” is not enough to describe Mycroft affection all this time.

His tears broke into a painful cry while his cum spurt on the toilet lid. The porn video on his left hand had long forgotten. In the end, he could not deceive his mind. He tries to convince himself that all of this because he’s affected by Frederich the porn star. That he’s the one he desires. But then Mycroft is the one who popped up in his mind all the time especially in his climax.

John break in the bathroom door when he hears Sherlock sobbing. The first thing he spotted is the phone with porn on the sink, the water from the shower that flooding, and his, and there his flatmate, sunk down in the bathroom floor with his pants tangled on his ankle along with his dignity that scattered around.

Sherlock could care less when John found him. His friend could disgusted by him and left him and fuck that. But it surprised him when John takes care of him not different than when he getting high. Now he’s sipping his tea slowly while his body draped over his favorite sheet. He sat down on the sofa while John is sitting next to him watching him to drink his tea carefully while Rosie cuddled in his father’s lap with a bottle of milk. With the gentleness together with the spike of temperament, John really looks like a typical figure of a single father for both Rosie and Sherlock.

“It is Mycroft, isn’t it?” He asked calmly just like their normal conversation.

“You always one hundred step behind but then again you always sharp in this matter.”

“Oh, I’m flattered. Then you, the great consulting detective with the highest IQ among us, really falls a thousand steps behind.” Sherlock could feel his shoulder less tensed when he sees the smirk on his friend’s face. At least John won’t hit him this time.

Sherlock didn’t answer, then he just plays the cup of tea in his hand.

“You love him.”

Sherlock’s finger stops in his motion.

“No, you both loved each other.”

Now he up to meet John’s gaze.

“am I right? Of course, I’m right?”

Then Sherlock tries to explain everything towards his flatmate. He can’t fight this alone, he needs some support at least.

“You’re not disgusted?”

“Disgusted? Sherlock please, not long ago your sister tried to kill all of us, why would I be disgusted just because you love your brother? It’s against the norm, I must say, but since when you are Holmeses thinking about the norm?” John patted Sherlock’s back, comforting him the way he comforts his own daughter.

“Now go to him. I believe you become like this because you’re not ready to be parted from him. Just like you said, his love for you is a whole package. So are your needs. You need him in so many ways, Sherlock. And you can’t differentiate it. Maybe you didn’t feel in love with him these past 20 years just because you do not feel your desire for him. Unconsciously, you keep on loving him all this time, just in another form. And when he leaves you, you realized you need him as a whole. As your brother, a lover, a parent, he’s everything for you, right?”

The words that come out from John struck him like a lightning. It reached his logical wall inside his head and touched his heart.

“Thank you, John.”

 

\-----

 

Sherlock walks faster and faster towards Mycroft's office. He could see Anthea typing on his phone as always and he couldn’t be bothered by talk to her. So he just walked passed her desk and reached the door when she’s called him with panic.

“Wait, Mr. Holmes-“ But it’s too late because now Sherlock already standing on the threshold and he couldn’t believe his eyes. There’s Mycroft sit on the sofa and young men, an agent in his mid 30 trying to kiss him.

Mycroft looks at him nonchalantly, but the man looks terrified to find someone is caught him trying to seduce the boss. The results of emotionally stressed and shocked that washed him all this time boiled his anger and jealousy. He steps forward fastly and grabbed the man by his collar violently.

“Don’t. You. Dare”, Sherlock hit him on his face, “To. Touch. Him.” Again and again.


	5. Chapter 5

The well-trained agent is not impressed by the sudden intervention. So he gets into fighting mode and punched Sherlock who’s taken aback by how strong actually this agent is. At the moment Sherlock caught the agent fist and growl.

“He is mi-“ and then he couldn’t continue, realizing how dumb it is to make all of the people know that he’s being so possessive about his own brother? Then in this short moment, the agent takes the chance to keep punched Sherlock face until Mycroft grabbed the men by his collar and pull him out of Sherlock.

“I apologize for the inconvenience, Graham, but please get out right now. I’ll talk to you later.” The Ice men tone makes everyone in the room shivered. Even though he’s in shock about all of this he could stay calm and keep the British Government mask. And the agent understands whatever happened between his boss and his younger brother, he could the one who’s dead at the end of the day. So he better run out of the office just like he’s  been told.

“What was that?” They both sit on the sofa while Mycroft tries to clean up Sherlock’s face carefully. There’s some blood from his nose along with some bruise and cut. That was a ridiculous fight in the whole history of his life. Sherlock just winced when Mycroft touch his face and avoiding to look his brother in the eye. He feels so tensed and awkward.

“Who is he?” Sherlock looks down, afraid of the answer or anything that his brother would say.

“Well, I believe you could deduce it clear that he is an agent and he tries to make a move on me.” Mycroft dropped his ice men tone and just cleaning Sherlock wound casually, just like when they were kids.

“Why are you attacked him?”

“I don’t like him”

“I am sure the last time we talk you said you never loved me?” These sentences sting Sherlock’s heart but when he looks up he just looks his brother raised his eyebrows in the way he used to tease him. Suddenly his face is getting red and he's looking down again and his hand fidgeting.

“You make fun of me!”

“No, no, I just want to know what was my baby brother thinking.”

Sherlock just opened his mouth but he can’t answer. Everything just stuck in his throat. He wanted to cry at the same time. Why is this so difficult, he thought. Caring is not an advantage, indeed.

“Sherlock, look at me.” Mycroft guide Sherlock’s face to look at him.

“Look into my eyes, Sherlock” 

Sherlock finally looks into his brother’s eyes. Those icy blue eyes. There’s no sign of rejection, no sign of hatred. They still the same icy blue eyes from his childhood that always fill with worries and love. It’s still there.

“I don't want to burden you with your new information about my feelings, Sherlock. If you do not feel what I feel it’s okay. If you want only to be my brother then I would be really glad. You don’t have to push yourself too far.”

Sherlock holds his gaze but he can’t hold his tears. It’s spilled and he tries so hard to speak.

“I... But.. But I want you. I love you Mycroft...”

Mycroft just looks him in shocked and pull him into a tight embrace and Sherlock buried his face on Mycroft’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to lose you”

“So do I.”

Mycroft caress Sherlock’s cheeks with such a gentleness. Then their lips met. Sherlock feels the familiarity of his brother’s lips and it feels amazing. Mycroft kisses him tenderly while his chest might burst into a million confetti. Every insecurities and wariness just washed away. Mycroft just like a prince that wait for his princess to wake up for 20 years, and now everything just paid off. They both taste each other’s tongue and Sherlock loses his patience. He kisses Mycroft’s jawline and throat hungrily.

“You still aware that we’re inside of my office, right?”

“But My, I..” I’ve been longing for this every day for the whole month.

“Patient, brother mine. You can wait at my house if you want.”

Mycroft smiles softly and rested his forehead to Sherlock’s, then they join in a low giggling.

 

\------

 

Mycroft couldn't believe the view beneath him. His baby brother's flushed face with tightly shut eyes and opened mouth displayed only for him.

He needs to really concentrate to not come instantly. How come he could stand his brother who never dropped his arrogance and high pride now begging to be touched and whining unconsciously.

 

Sherlock's pale skin is getting red and his body feels hot. He breathing faster and couldn't stand still. He needs more friction, he needs to be touched by Mycroft.

 

"Mycroft, more... more, please, please"

 

"Please what?"

Mycroft teased him, sucking his brother's throat and marked him until there's a reddened spot that visible.

 

"Touched me..more. I need you inside, My"

Sherlock pushed his hips into the air to touch Mycroft's body greedily.

 

"Are you sure? This will hurt

 Let's try another time, brother mine"

"No, I need you, need everything. My, do something!"

Mycroft just smiled to watched his baby brother's pouting with the red face. He just nuzzled his nose to his cheeks and then move down.

Sherlock inhales sharply when he feels Mycroft's wet tongue on his hard cock. His hand grasping the sheets and his body trembling with the huge sensation.

 Mycroft took him into his mouth and gently sucked it. His tempo steady to makes Sherlock becomes more impatient.

 

"Mycroft, fuck, please!"

Sherlock hesitates to touch Mycroft's head but then his brother's hand guide his palm signing that it's okay to take control.

So the younger brother pushed his big brother's head down - up - down, bobbing on his cock faster and faster.

Not until minutes, he spurts his cum into Mycroft's mouth which is get swallowed.

 

Sherlock stares at the ceiling, getting down from his high. He looks down and finds Mycroft trying to pump himself.

"No, Mycroft, come here. Use me"

Mycroft eyes full of needs when he sees Sherlock crawling towards his swollen cock and open his mouth.

"Use me, brother mine"

Not waiting any longer Mycroft get down from the bed and standing on the side, positioning his cock to Sherlock mouth which now starts to lick him. Mycroft's breath getting heavier and he's feeling dizzy because of the arousal.

"Open your mouth. Careful Sherlock"

And with that Sherlock opened his mouth widely and feels Mycroft huge cock inside. Mycroft started it slowly, and Sherlock feels incredible. It's such a weird sensation that he feels satisfied and full with his brother's cock inside his mouth. 

Mycroft tries to do it really gently but in the end, he lost his control. He looks down to see those face, his brother face that enjoyed getting mouth - fucked by him.

Lots of salivae spilled from Sherlock's mouth and tears streaming down and his jaw feels burned. But he loves the feelings, being used by his brother. When Mycroft getting faster and slightly more violent, Sherlock opened his eyes and look up to that see Mycroft aroused face. He's growling and breathing hard. And then he grabbed Sherlock's curly hair and pulled it a bit tighter.

 

"Fuck, Sherlock!"

 

Sherlock's aware that he's being fully used. And he doesn't mind. He feels he deserves it and he liked to be owned by him. Mycroft always tries to control him in everyday life and he hates it. But he never thought he would like it this way.

He gives himself everything for his brother. Everything, just like what his brother has been done to him.

 

Mycroft hips getting faster and faster. how Sherlock enjoyed being control by him really pushed him to the edge. And he managed to pull when his cum spurting out on Sherlock's still opened mouth.

He literally screamed when his come.

 

"Sherlock.. that was amazing!"

Mycroft kissed him, cleaning his cum and tasting himself on his brother's mouth.

 

That night was the first time Sherlock sleep peacefully after a long time. He could feel his brother’s heartbeat and that’s more than enough.

 

Sherlock opened his eyes when he smells something nice from the kitchen then he realized Mycroft already wake up. He wraps himself in the soft blanket and walking downstairs. But then he stopped when he sees his brother already sit in the dining room, reading his newspaper. There’s a full English breakfast for two on the table. This all just feels so familiar to Sherlock. It just makes him aware that this is his brother, the man who eats breakfast with him every morning in his childhood. Yesterday everything happened so fast and he totally controlled by his heart. And now his rational mind just kicked in, make him suddenly feel so shy and nervous. Should he greet Mycroft like usual? Teased him? Or treated him like a lover? Kiss him?

“Come and eat your breakfast, Sherlock. You’re thinking too loud.” Mycroft talks while still reading his newspaper. Sherlock walks awkwardly to the table and sits down. They eat their breakfast in silence. Awkward but pleasantly.

Sherlock almost jumped when Mycroft touched his hand.

“I think I could leave early today. Do you mind if I come to Baker Street?” Mycroft’s tone is unsure and shows him as shy as his brother right now.

“Sure. Sure, brother mine.” Sherlock look up shyly and Mycroft gives him a peck on the lips.

“See you later, then.”  And he left Sherlock who’s freezing in shock with the red face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end. I'm sorry this is awful, especially the smut xD Thanks for reading! I appreciate all the comments and kudos!
> 
> I want to say thanks to Masha and anyone who translated my fic, I never thought I would get so many responses.  
> And last, I write this completely just for fun. I'm aware that there are many fic writers who write wholeheartedly and take it very seriously. So if any of you like my idea about this story, feel free to rewrite it on your own fic and let me know because I'd love to read it as well! :D


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